San Francisco and further reflection on further things.

Dear Elizabeth,

I feel like I can finally write about San Francisco. I feel like it has finally set in. What I did. What I felt. What I saw.... and then how I feel now. So here it goes, sorry it's so long over due.

When I first met him at the airport there were no instant sparks, tears, kisses, nothing... just an infinite hug. It was probably only half a minute, but it was forever to me. Primarily because I had been waiting for forever. The car ride was so like us. Arguing about how both of us listen to "the worse music ever." It was as if we had always done that... taken rides in the car and talked about music. The only difference was that I was completely taken aback by the sights of my new city.

Five minutes into my trip, I knew that I had found my place.

We spent the day with Jason. He kissed me when we got out of the car and into the hotel lobby. (This hotel was the weirdest place in the world. Seriously. I think we were the only people staying there who weren't strippers, hookers, or transgender. Not bad for getting high and stumbling in at random hours... read further for that.) Anyway. We were starving and decided to look for somewhere to eat. Somehow Jason's hand found mine and rarely left it that day. I seriously found no more pleasure in the entire universe than walking hand in hand with him around San Francisco. (He kept sneaking in kisses behind Devon's back... which made me melt.)

Somehow we ended up having lunch in California Pizza Kitchen, which I believe we have at home. But anyway.... Devon got up to use the ladies' room at some point. And I remember the scenario perfectly. Here it goes:

(Devon leaves the table)
Jason: I love the flower in your hair. It's perfect. Is this the outfit you've been playing to wear?
Me: (blushes, smiles) Yes, it is.
Jason: (smiles back) I love it.
Me: (smiles like for five minutes)
Jason: I want you to know that everyone is staring at us.
Me: I don't care.
Jason: I don't either. I just wanted you to know... and I'm glad there's no screen separating us. I love those big brown eyes, you're even prettier in person.
Me: (starts crying)
Jason: I knew that was going to happen.

Then Devon came back. It was really really cheesy, but I loved it. After lunch we walked about two miles to get to this pier. It was simple amazing. I love being by the water... and this place was so nice. Nicer than anything the East Coast could ever come up with. There was tons of flirting, loads of hand holding. I don't think I ever felt so beautiful in my entire life. There is no other emotion to describe it... just beautiful. Not happy... just complete. We just spent the whole fucking afternoon smiling at each other. Just looking at each other and smiling. I could not believe in that moment that I was me.... living my life... I could not fathom at that moment how beautifully life felt. I think I still sort of can't believe that it was real. Right now, in this moment... sitting in Center City Philadelphia I'm starting to become convinced that I was someone else. Living someone else's life. Kissing someone I hadn't known I was meant to kiss. It doesn't seem real. It doesn't seem fair. Fair, in the sense that not everyone will get to experience it. Why me? What did I do so right to be entitled to even one day of pure pleasure like that. Surely something wonderful. There's this pier that looks off into the water and where the sea lions sleep all day. We went there... and he really kissed me.

Hands behind my ears, and in my hair.
Eyes closed.
Passion.

I can die now. I will have lived a complete life if i die tonight.

We decided to take a cab back home because it was getting dark, and none of us were really interested in walking uphill for two miles. We all changed into comfy clothes, and I went into Jason's room to talk to him. We ended up snuggling, and kissing, and laughing with each other while cuddling like crazy. He just sat there holding me and we watched Cash Cab.

TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!!! (I have class now!)

Love,


Me